I have hit a wall.  It has been a full week since I have been able to make it to either CrossFit or yoga.  I have made a few feeble attempts at some hike/runs around the valley, but it is piddling in comparison to my grandiose goals with my fitness recovery.

In the meantime, I have found myself fully embracing my perceived status as a commercial rafting bus shuttle driver.  I have sold out.  I feel empty and hollow inside, even as I finally gather more hours of employed time than any other week so far this summer.  Somehow I feel as though there is more that I could do, but the the persons in charge don’t offer any respectable way to discuss the issue.

That being the case, my brain runs wild with ideas of how to escape this repression, and all the while, my physical fitness motivation has been shot dead.  I’m not sure what to do, or even what the next step is, but I worry that I have already compromised too much.

We Japanese Americans have spent much of our history holding our tongues and fearing for the consequences of standing out from the crowd and not playing by ‘their’ rules.  What I’d never have expected, is that I’d finally come to this realization through my position as a raft guide.

Oh, excuse me…commercial rafting bus shuttle driver.  Check ya later…oh, and stay beautiful.